


Notice Me

by rivercollins



Category: Glee
Genre: Coming Out, Friends to Lovers, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-18
Updated: 2013-04-01
Packaged: 2017-11-29 17:47:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/689724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rivercollins/pseuds/rivercollins
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blaine Anderson - Kicker for the McKinley Titans, popular, throws the occasional slushy in the face of a Glee Club member. He'd never pay a second of attention to Kurt Hummel. But when he overhears the angel faced junior crooning "Blackbird" in the boys' bathroom, he starts to find Kurt Hummel impossible to ignore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Eyes

The first encounter was not unlike Kurt’s every day experience of the McKinley High hallways. A few years ago, a heavy knock to his shoulder like that would've sent him flying into the lockers, but these days it hardly fazed him. These days he was ready for it. Recoiling only slightly from the impact, he turned, briefly, to catch a glimpse of the culprit. To his surprise, it wasn't Azimio or Karofsky or any of the usual suspects. It was someone smaller, olive skinned, curly haired, and clad in a football jersey. For a moment, Kurt faltered at the sight of him, at the liquid gold eyes staring straight into his own. And then Kurt looked away. He ignored the butterflies in his stomach and carried on down the hallway, head held high, reminding himself that just because that boy was the smallest guy on the football team didn't mean he posed any less of a threat than Karofsky or the others did. 

Kurt hadn't noticed the way Blaine had been walking before it happened – head bowed; eyes on the ground; shoulders slumped – or that it was completely accidental. On impact, Blaine spun to see a pair of striking blue eyes, the most beautiful he’d ever seen, hitting him harder than the boy’s shoulder had. The apology caught in Blaine’s throat, and the other boy regarded him with a brief, derogatory glance before turning away. Blaine shook his head roughly, and the stirrings in his stomach and the fluttering of his heart desisted. He walked on down the hallway, the other boy getting further and further away with each step he took, and Blaine told himself he’d imagined the feeling, he’d imagined the pang in his gut and then the numbness as the boy turned away. Of course he’d imagined it.

***

Blaine kept his head down for the rest of the day. Whenever he closed his eyes the boy’s face flashed across his eyes. He could picture everything clearly but the eyes, which disappeared into vague darkness in his memory. But he could remember the way his stomach had twisted and his heart had swelled, and how he’d felt like he’d never seen anything so close to perfection. 

That memory kept drifting through his mind and distracting his attention from the equation Mrs Burke was sprawling all over the board. He must've been mistaken. It must've been a trick of the light. No boy could have that effect on Blaine Anderson. 

But something akin to the truth niggled at the inside of Blaine’s skull, making him doubt himself. So he couldn't be sure. 

But that would soon change. He would see the boy again.

He would see the boy before the day was out.

***

As he walked through the crowded hallways, Blaine’s eyes scoped out every face in sight. After a while he began to panic he’d missed the boy from earlier, lost him in the endless sea of faces. But at last, as the sea began to drain away into classrooms, there he was. 

He was leaning against a locker, smiling and listening to an animated dark-skinned girl next to him, who was taking books out of her locker and wedging them under her arm. Blaine kept walking, his heart pounding harder as he got closer. He could hear the girl talking, something about a guy with a short name. 

“…I mean can you believe that, Kurt? He just…”

Kurt. That was his name. 

And as Blaine drew level he rubbed at his neck and turned his head, involuntarily sucking in a harsh lungful of air and then-

But the boy’s eyes were covered.

In leaning against the locker, Kurt’s fedora was tilted forward, shadowing the top half of his face in darkness. 

Blaine swore under his breath and carried on down on the hallway, cursing his luck and hoping there’d be another chance before football practice.

***

Blaine shoved open the door to the bathroom stall with his hip, letting it bang against the wall as he edged in, grabbing a wad of tissues in his blood stained hands and pushing them to his nose. He groaned, throwing the bloody tissues into the toilet and reaching for more. After a while he felt the flow begin to weaken and tried to clean up his hands. He heard the bathroom door open and someone walked in, and he thought nothing of it until the sound of their voice chilled him to the bone.

“ _Blackbird singing in the dead of night_ ,” his voice filled the room, spilling out of the cold white tiles and the glass in the mirrors. Blaine figured they’d seen all the doors were open and figured the room was empty. “ _Take these broken wings and learn to fly_.”

Blaine leant forward, peering between the gap in the door and out towards the sinks. And there he was, his hat lying on the edge of the sink as he touched up his hair.

Blaine withdrew, backing against cubicle wall. If Kurt knew he wasn’t alone, he’d stop singing. Blaine’s heart hammered against his ribs, loud enough he worried Kurt could hear it. his lungs began to ache with bated breath but there was no denying, not anymore.

Bright blue eyes seared across his memory like a blinding light. 

“ _All your life, you were only waiting for this moment to arise_.”


	2. Crush

“Kurt, honey, could you go to my locker and pick up my sheet music? I must’ve forgot it.” Rachel said, rummaging through her bag and coming up with a bottle of water. As she drank, Sam and Finn came into the choir room and took their seats. But the room was still mostly empty, the corridors still a little too full for Glee club to start properly. 

“Why can’t you do it?” 

“I can’t warm up in the corridor, Kurt,” Rachel almost snapped. “I can’t afford for this sweater to get slushy stained too.” She said, tugging at the white, horse patterned affair she was wearing. 

Kurt sighed and looked around to see Mercedes striding in. 

“Sure thing,” he said offhandedly to Rachel, then hurried towards Mercedes and linked arms with her. “Walk with me,” he said out of the corner of his mouth. Together they walked out into the emptying corridor, Kurt glancing over his shoulder to check Rachel didn’t come after him. 

“What’s with you?” Mercedes asked. 

“I need your opinion on something,” he replied, leaning in close so the people around them couldn’t hear. 

“A new outfit?”

“ _A guy._ ” 

Mercedes turned to look at him, her eyes wide, and then glanced around at the few remaining people in the corridor. As soon as they turned into an empty corridor Mercedes let out an urgent whisper – 

“ _You have to tell me who._ ”

Kurt’s excitement got the better of him and a smile spread across his face. “Blaine Anderson.” Every few minutes or so he’d remember look in Blaine’s golden eyes or the way his muscle tensed when he raised his hand to smooth down his hair and a shock of butterflies invaded Kurt’s stomach. 

“But it’s just a _teeny_ crush, it’s not a big deal.”

“Kurt,” Mercedes cocked her eyebrow and put her hands on her hips. “When was the last time you had a crush on someone, hmm?”

“That’s true,” Kurt admitted, a slight blush reaching his pale cheeks.

“And he is pretty cute,” Mercedes leant forward slightly, winking.

Kurt smiled again and turned to Rachel’s locker, concentrating on the combination rather than looking at Mercedes as he said, “ _But…_ he’s straight.” He swallowed hard, the smile gone from his face. “And anyway,” he added with a hollow chuckle, “He’d never notice me.” 

“Speak of the devil,” Mercedes whispered, tucking in closer to the lockers. Kurt jumped, his head snapping round to see Blaine strolling down the corridor, his eyes straight forward, arms swinging with ease. Kurt averted his eyes, not wanting to stare. But it was pretty damn hard. 

Blaine must’ve come straight from the showers. The top of his t-shirt was splashed with water, his hair soaked. The free curls still dripped water onto Blaine’s shoulders, more so when he lifted his hand and shook his fingers through his hair. Kurt could help but look, keeping his head bowed, through the corner of his eye. As Blaine got closer, just a few paces away now, Kurt saw him push out his tongue to wet his lips, saw a droplet run the length of his neck and disappear under the neckline of his shirt. His eyes never strayed from the wall at the far end of the corridor, not until he was turning out of Kurt’s sight. 

The butterflies in Kurt’s stomach seemed to have swooned and fainted, their wings now gracing the walls of his stomach in their death throes. 

Kurt didn’t know why it came as such a shock that Blaine had ignored him. It was nothing he didn’t do every other day of the year. Perhaps he was fooling himself. But surely he hadn’t been mistaken in his remembering of that morning; of the way Blaine had jarred his shoulder and turned to look, but hadn’t jeered or smirked or done anything the others did. Of the way Blaine had seemed just as surprised and peeved as Kurt had felt, until everything melted away from his face and they seemed to stare at each other in all-seeing solidarity. 

“Yep,” Kurt said breathlessly, swallowing hard again. “Definitely a crush.”

***

Blaine shook his hands through his hair, loosing drops of water. _Don’t look,_ he told himself. _Don’t stare._ Every nerve in his body was alight awareness that the boy was so close. His dry throat worked itself into a hard swallow, his rough tongue scratching against the roof of his mouth. He licked his lips in an attempt to lift the sticking aridity in his mouth, his mind firing blanks, not allowing himself to look at the only other two people in the corridor. He made a quick note of the placement of Kurt’s locker, swearing to himself there and then that he would return with courage. But for now he knew this wasn’t his day, and he carried on walking. He was too afraid to look at the boy’s face, convinced that if he did – now that he knew the name and voice that went with it – he wouldn’t be able to look away.


	3. Cheesecake

The locker’s vents cut into his spine, but Blaine didn’t move an inch. He kept his eyes down, trying to look casual, trying to blend in, trying to feel a little less lost. The corridor was alive with kids relieved that the weekend had come at last, all of them jostling to get out and get home. But Blaine was only waiting for one.

“Um, excuse me?” 

Blaine broke out of his reverie and looked up to see a short, dark-haired girl, her arms wrapped tight around some books, her face almost apologetic. 

“Could I get to my locker?” 

He felt as though he’d been thrown into the deep end, panic fluttering in his stomach, his brain jarring for some coherent phrases. “This- this is your locker?” 

“Sure is. Has been since the beginning of the year.” 

“Oh, sure,” Blaine stepped side, his brain latching onto the first idea it could pull out of the chaotic darkness. “What are you doing tonight?”

She froze like a rabbit in headlights and turned to look at him, then glanced quickly over her shoulder. “Are you talking to me?”

“Of course,” Blaine smiled, his eyes drifting down to the note book in her hand, not quite able to make out the name written on the front with the gold star next to it. “So are you busy later?” Blaine tried hard to keep up a smile, all the while his mind was panicking he’d have to actually take her out for the sake of avoiding a little awkwardness. She let out a little laugh and bowed her head, a blush reaching her cheek. She tucked her hair behind her ear and looked to him again.

“Actually I’m having some friends round.” She said with an apologetic grimace. “Just a little get together. Maybe another time?” She seemed to swallow hard as she watched him expectantly. 

“Oh, absolutely,” Blaine said, now struggling to not smile so broadly. “No worries, thank you for your time. Have a good night,” he said as he took a few steps back, raising one hand in farewell before turning sharply and hurrying away. He must’ve gotten the wrong locker, he thought, cursing his luck. As he walked out through the front doors and into the parking lot he saw Finn Hudson a little way away, climbing into a car with the boy. With Kurt. 

His stomach flipped and he mentally kicked himself. He couldn’t believe he hadn’t made the connection before – Finn had mentioned his step brother several times at football practice. Blaine hurried on home with a renewed sense of hope, thinking that maybe this weekend wouldn’t be a total bust after all. 

*** 

Blaine glanced down at the slip of paper in his hand, making absolutely sure that he was at the right house. He’d called Finn almost as soon as he’d gotten home to ask about Kurt.

“Um, he’s at a friend’s place. Why?” Finn had asked, his frown evident in his voice.

“I missed a physics lesson today,” Blaine employed the excuse he’d come up with earlier. “I wanted to ask him for the homework.”

“Oh,” Finn had said, and questioned Blaine no further. 

It had taken Blaine a few hours to work up the courage to go to the address, to be sure enough about what he wanted to say and how he wanted to say it. But he still couldn’t think about it without sweating.

Blaine crumpled the slip of paper and pushed it into his pocket, then he raised his finger to the doorbell. 

***

“…so then he was like ‘no problem, have a good night,’ and he just walked away and I felt like such an idiot I mean, _Blaine freaking Anderson_ , guys. And I had to turn him down. And he was so polite about it, any girl would be lucky to have him and I had to watch him walk away and-“

“And his butt looked like it had been carved by angels. Rachel, _we know_ ,” Mercedes groaned, “You told us three times already.” She glanced to Kurt, a worried expression on her face, but he nodded his head to let her know he was fine with it all. 

“I know, I just can’t stop thinking about it,” Rachel said, pushing her fingers against her temples and bowing her head. 

Kurt sighed, rolling onto his belly and kicking his feet up behind him. “At least you have a guy to worry about. Be thankful for that.” He reached for the cheesecake and took a big spoonful. 

“Aww, don’t worry honey, you’ll find someone.” Rachel said dismissively, and opened her mouth to start talking again when Mercedes jumped up off the bed and declared it was movie time. Kurt’s chest flooded with relief – now Rachel would have to stop talking about Blaine for at least an hour and a half. It was bad enough knowing Blaine was straight, but Kurt had never imagined he’d go after someone so close. What if they started dating? Kurt didn’t know how he’d cope with that. Just the thought set his stomach into a Gordian knot. 

Nearly half way through the film, the doorbell rang, and seconds later one of Rachel’s dads called up the stairs. “Rachel, there’s a young man here to see you!” 

Rachel grabbed the remote and pushed the pause button. “Who is it?” she shouted back. 

There was distant talking and then, clearly, “Blaine Anderson!” 

Rachel’s eyes widened and she jumped off the bed. She hurried to the mirror to check her hair, mumbling to herself “Oh my god oh my god why is he here.” Footsteps started up the stairs at a run and Rachel headed for the door, turning at the last moment to hiss over her shoulder-

_“Hide the cheesecake!”_

Kurt panicked, leaned forward and shovelled the last of the cheesecake into his mouth. It wasn’t until his cheeks were stuffed full like a hamster’s that he wondered with furrowed brow why the cheesecake needed hiding, and then why he’d thought his mouth was the only hiding place available. But by then it was too late – Blaine Anderson was in the doorway.

“Hey, Blaine,” Rachel grinned, running her hands over her ponytail and trying her best to look dignified in her pyjamas. “How can I help you?”

Blaine smiled awkwardly, his hands in his pockets and his shoulders slightly hunched, and Kurt couldn’t take his eyes off him. “Um… actually, I was wondering if I could talk to Kurt quickly. Finn told me he’d be here.” Blaine eyes finally moved past Rachel, landing at last on Kurt, who stared back, eyes wide and mouth full of cheesecake. Rachel turned too, her expression as though she’d been betrayed somehow. 

Kurt tried to smile but it was hard without spraying crumbs from his mouth, and that was not a look anyone could pull off. His mind was a blur of screams and sirens, partly as a warning that something crazy was about to happen, partly in anger at himself. He slowly got to his feet, held his index finger up and then scurried to the bathroom. 

Kurt gripped the side of the sink with sweaty hands and faced himself in the mirror, staring hard at his frowning face as he chewed quickly, trying to get the cheesecake down as fast as possible. He was equal parts embarrassed and confused, wondering why the hell Blaine would turn up at Rachel’s house asking for _him_. As far as Kurt could remember, Blaine hadn’t glanced at Kurt more than once. Maybe he just needed to get their homework or something. Yes. What else could it be?

When Kurt had finished working over the cheesecake he waited a little longer, preening his hair and checking himself over. He couldn’t afford to lose any more face with this boy. 

“Sorry about that,” he said upon returning to Rachel’s bedroom. “I just had to…um…” _Nope,_ he thought, _there is no dignified reason for running to the bathroom._ “Anyway. Is everything okay?”

“Uh, yeah, everything’s fine,” Blaine answered distractedly, running his hand through his hair. “Could we… talk in private?”

Kurt glanced back to the girls. Rachel’s jaw was clenched and she pointedly refused to look him in the eye, but Mercedes flashed him the thumbs up, so he turned and nodded. “Sure, we can just step outside.” 

The two of them headed out of the room, down the stairs and out onto the porch. Kurt thanked his lucky stars he hadn’t changed into his pyjamas yet. They stood for a while in the cold night air, as if both waiting for the other to speak first. Kurt watched Blaine through wide eyes. The other boy was glancing around, avoiding Kurt’s gaze, shifting his feet nervously. Kurt had never seen him like this. He always seemed so controlled and confident at school, his head held high as though he owned the place.

Kurt thought maybe it was something about Finn. Maybe Finn was in trouble, he’d had some football accident or something, and Kurt started to panic. But then he theorised that if that were the case, it would be his dad pulling him out of Rachel’s house, not a guy he’d never actually spoken to before. 

But now he thought about it, Blaine looked panicky. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Kurt asked, hoping to prompt some conversation.

“Physics!” Blaine blurted out, then checked himself and said again, in a much more controlled tone, “Physics. I can never understand what Mrs Burke’s scribbling up there, and you always seem like you know what you’re doing, so I wondered if you could help. You know, if you could tutor me, or something.” 

“Oh,” Kurt said, raising his eyebrows. If Blaine had wanted tutoring, there were plenty of other people, and plenty of other opportunities he could’ve asked. “Sure. Well, I’m free tomorrow, if you want to meet up then.”

“Sure,” Blaine said, his anxious expression relaxing into a grin. “Sounds great.”

“Great. Why don’t we meet at the park? Around two o’clock?”

“Absolutely. Whenever’s good for you.” Blaine smiled and started to head back towards his car, but Kurt called after him-

“Do you have a bike?”

Blaine frowned. “Um, I think my brother left his in the garage when he moved out.”

“Good. Bring it.”


	4. Bliss

Light shone through the canopy of leaves overhead, submerging the stony trail in a yellow glow. A man with a heart rate monitor strapped to his upper arm and headphones pressed deep into his ears jogged past in the opposite direction. The air felt hot and heavy in Blaine’s lungs, but seemed to relax his muscles and his mind. He swerved slightly to avoid a sharp stone in the middle of the trail, and returned his attention to Kurt. The yellow light crowned his hair and alighted the shoulders of his t-shirt. The heat of the day and the effort of the exercise had carved the slightest beginnings of a sweat trail down his shirt at the spine, but he never once slouched over the handle bars, always kept his shoulders straight and his head held high. 

“Speed in a given direction is known as…?” Kurt called, turning his head slightly to look over his shoulder, the outline of his face in portrait framed with light. 

“Velocity,” Blaine called back, and smiled to himself when no correction came. 

“And the change in velocity divided by the time taken for the change equals…?”

Blaine screwed up his face in an effort to remember, but the slight gap between Kurt’s belt and Kurt’s t-shirt was giving him trouble concentrating.

“Come on, Blaine, we just went over this!” Kurt groaned, teasing but not angry. 

“We’ve been over everything.” Blaine tried to keep the smile out of his voice so Kurt wouldn’t know how much he was enjoying himself. Already he felt he’d learned more with Kurt than he ever had from Mrs Burke. And it felt easy, too, even though it was growing harder to breathe with the heat and the motion and the skin he couldn’t stop looking at, it was immensely preferable to the slowly-murdering-your-soul monotony of physics class. But the ache in his legs was building up to a protest. “Can we slow down a little? I’m running out of energy.”

“No!” Kurt yelled, with a little too much excitement. “And do you know why?”

“Why?” Blaine asked in the tone of someone who knows they’ll regret asking. 

“Because, Blaine Anderson, energy equals power over time, so-“

“So no matter how fast or slow we travel it’ll take the same amount of energy to get back to the car,” Blaine said, nodding along to himself. 

“That’s brilliant!” Kurt cried, slowing down a little so he was cycling alongside Blaine. “See? Bikes are great for fresh air and scenery, and exercise improves your brain power!” He grinned brightly, his eyes alight. Blaine could feel his heart ballooning in his chest, the hot air catching in his throat for a whole new reason. He only hoped Kurt couldn’t tell.

“You’re way to enthusiastic about physics,” Blaine tried for a monotone, but couldn’t stop the corners of his mouth pulling up. 

***

“I really hope this wasn’t a waste of time,” Kurt said with a slight grimace as the two of them pushed their bikes through the parking lot and towards Blaine’s car. 

“Are you kidding me? It was fantastic!” Blaine said with a grin, his eyes wide and bright. “We should do it again sometime.”

“Yeah?” Kurt said with a growing smile as seemed to pep up, his back somehow straightening even more and drawing him taller. “How about tonight? I know a semi-quiet coffee shop we could-“ He stopped short at Blaine’s grimace.

“Sorry, tonight’s no good, I, uh…” Blaine rubbed the back of his neck, his eyes pinching shut. “I have a date.”

***

“A _date_?” Mercedes cried incredulously when Kurt told her. “But he only just went on a date with you!”

Kurt smiled and shook his head, “That wasn’t a date. We were just studying.” But he had been wondering if that was exactly true. After all, who hunts a stranger down at a friend’s house just to ask them to study physics? And since Blaine had asked, Kurt couldn’t stop thinking about the way he’d seemed to sweat and fidget, the way he’d seemed unable to get the words out. And ‘can you teach me physics’ isn’t exactly hard to say. Not for someone like Blaine Anderson. 

“Who was the date with?” Rachel asked around a mouth full of cookie dough, her brow slightly furrowed. 

“I didn’t ask.” Kurt answered, shooting Rachel a worried look. She hadn’t seemed too thrilled with Kurt since he agreed to tutor Blaine. But there was no reason for her to be upset, Kurt kept telling himself. It wasn’t a date – Blaine had wanted tutoring; he hadn’t wanted Kurt. 

***

Blaine drifted through the hours after his time with Kurt, his boots feeling light and a smile springing eternal on his face. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt so peaceful, so free from nerves or anxiety. Now, when he thought of Kurt, he just felt warm, his stomach no longer contracting and twisting into impossible shapes. He thought maybe he was over the worst of it, maybe it was just a phase and he’d soon be back to his normal self.

But then, of course, everything fell apart. 

The date wasn’t that bad, really. At least, she seemed to enjoy it, so it couldn’t have been too terrible. The movie was good. The film was good. The music in the restaurant was good. Heck, even the conversation was pretty good. When Blaine thought about it like that, it was hard for him to work out why his palms felt like they were on fire or why his guts felt like they were about to fall out of his butt. 

Angela smiled up at him as he walked her home, the heels of her shoes clacking against the pavement, her thin fingers clasping at the sleeves of the jacket Blaine had let her borrow, drawing the fabric and his scent in closer to her skin. He smiled back, holding out his arm for her to take, and they walked along with their sides touching.

Blaine used his free hand to tug at his collar, trying to swallow or breathe or stop sweating or think of anything but how wrong this all felt. Everything had felt so easy before, so easy when his legs were burning and his mind ached with studying and with studying the bones of Kurt’s back and as the two of them turned into Angela’s front porch and Blaine got a full view of her face he froze. And he looked at her as though he’d been expecting someone else.

But all she saw was a beautiful boy at the end of a perfect night and she hopped onto her tiptoes and kissed him. 

In the split second they touched a million triggers fired in Blaine’s mind and a million sparks didn’t. And he knew immediately _exactly_ what was wrong. It wasn’t Angela. It wasn’t that something just wasn’t clicking. It wasn’t the night. It wasn’t even the kiss. 

It was that she didn't temper his fears or his nerves; it was that she didn't gently lower him into bliss; it was that he didn't want to study the bones of her back or the way the sun hit her hair; it was that he couldn't imagine her company would make him enjoy physics; it was that he knew that as soon as he'd left her on her doorstep, his mind would drift from her and wouldn't return in days. 

It was that she wasn’t Kurt.


	5. Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I've been away for so long, was at a complete loss for words. So a quick reminder - Kurt thinks Blaine is straight but, after his date with Angela, Blaine's not so sure any more.

Kurt’s eyes lazily scanned the hallway as he leant back against the lockers. A slight parting in the crowd gave him a view of Blaine a few yards down, and he raised his hand in a wave, smiling slightly. Blaine smiled back and waved, sending a million sparks along Kurt’s spine. 

“Ooh, associating at school now, are we? Things must be getting serious.” Mercedes teased, smirking at Kurt as she gathered up her books. 

“Nothing’s going on,” Kurt hushed her, his eyes darting to Rachel. She noticed and her eyebrows darted up, her hand shooting out in front of her to wave dismissively. 

“Oh, Kurt, honey, that’s fine. I spent all last night talking with Finn again and he’s just so…” She looked up to the ceiling as she paused for the right word. 

“Dim?”

“Wonderful.” Rachel finished with a bright smile. “Anyway, I’m completely over Blaine, so I guess he’s all yours!”

“Right,” Kurt said with a frown. “Thanks?”

“No biggie,” Rachel grinned and hopped a little before skipping off down the corridor. 

***

As Blaine trembled his way up to the front door the pot of gardenias caught his eye. Breath kept catching in his throat as he plucked a petal from one of the heads only to have it bruise and crumple in his shaking fingertips. It seemed strange now how he’d been worried about Kurt at the beginning. The boy’s blue eyes and lilting voice taunted their way in a waltz across his memory and now it was so much more than worry. An ache far too strong in his throat protested against his swallow and he ran a shivering hand through his hair, standing face to face with a closed door. He couldn’t help but wonder what waited on the other side, whether everything would change, whether it was too late to turn back now. 

But of course, running wouldn’t help. He knew the thing he feared the most was right inside him, deeper than anything he’d felt before. He thought of his first date – an awkward lunch in a tiny local café with a girl named Amelia and a walk along the beach where they talked about superpowers. He thought of Monica, the first girl he kissed, the way their hands had gripped each other like lifelines and her hair kept tickling his face and it was all together too wet and too toothy. He thought of Angela, of a kiss much more sweeter made sour by the image of Someone Else seared into his retinas. 

You can’t run from something like that. 

Blaine took a deep breath, held the air inside his lungs for as long as he could to postpone the moments that would come after, to try and hold on to whatever power he had in that moment, to whatever hope or pride that was in reach in the seconds before he hit rock bottom. 

And then he let it go. Let the air out like a silent thank you to everything that had come before, an immense calm rinsing him through and relaxing his knotted muscles. His hand raised steady and his knocks echoed dully like hammering the first nail into his coffin. After a few seconds the sounds of fumbling with a latch came from the other side of the door and then light framed a perfect silhouette. Kurt stood with one hand against the edge of the door, his temple pressed against the backs of his delicate fingers, his usually wide eyes less alert than normal, almost suggestive in their sleepily slow blink. 

It didn’t feel like rock bottom at all. The walls of Blaine’s coffin fell away and the cold night air was replaced with light and warmth, like the softness of the petal still rubbed between his fingertips. 

“Can I help you?” 

***

Kurt blinked into the light of the setting sun that hung behind Blaine’s head, gripping the handle of his mug for something to hold onto, something to focus on other than Blaine’s frazzled manner. Blaine’s eyes darted around the coffee shop, to the pictures on the walls, to the mugs on the table, to the potted plant in the corner, on very occasionally daring to land on Kurt. 

“Are you going to tell me what’s going on or are we just going to sit here all night?” Kurt asked, trying to coax Blaine out of his stupor. It was so strange to see him like this – he had always been so cool and level headed. Kurt figured something big must have happened. “You’re not in trouble with the mafia, are you?” Kurt asked, giving a nervous little chuckle, then leaned forward suddenly serious and said- “Oh my god, no one’s trying to kill you, are they?” 

“No, no,” Blaine laughed and shook his head, his hands fluttering awkwardly over Kurt’s, too afraid to actually make contact, his stomach turning to sponge at the mere thought. “It’s just…” Blaine seemed to shudder under a deep breath, his face ashen. 

“It’s okay, take your time,” Kurt smiled, trying to keep Blaine calm. He reached out and gently touched Blaine’s hand, but withdrew when Blaine tensed up. “We’ll get some more coffee, okay?” Kurt looked towards the waitress and raised his hand high above his head to snap his fingers. 

By the time the waitress had poured them both some more coffee and walked out of earshot, Blaine had convinced himself that the longer he waited the harder it would get, the more he would talk himself out of it. and ignoring the problem wouldn’t make it go away; ignoring the problem would just trap him in this infinite loop of not understanding his own thoughts.

“I’ve been having these…” Blaine glanced around and leaned in slightly closer to Kurt, his eyes lowered. “Feelings. And i-… I don’t know how to cope with them.”   
Kurt swallowed hard, desperate to hear Blaine’s words over the thundering heart in his throat. “How can I help?” His voice came out taut and high pitched. 

Blaine’s tongue darted out to wet his lips as he lifted his glance to Kurt, steady for the first time. “I don’t-… you’re the only gay guy I know and… I don’t know who else to talk to.” 

Breath caught in Kurt’s throat and he blinked fast, his thoughts coming out jumbled and confused. “Y-You ha-have feelings for so-… for a guy?” 

Blaine’s eyes locked onto Kurt’s as he took a deep breath, stilling his mind and saying nothing, just nodding, slowly. 

Kurt blew a thin stream of air out and leant back, gripping the edge of the table with his hands so his knuckles turned white. For a moment all he could think about was leaning forward and kissing Blaine’s lips, the mere possibility of such an act being closer to fruition than ever before. But this was no time for that. His head was reeling with the information and he knew better than to act on impulse when he could hardly think straight enough to breathe. It hit him that he’d been staring at Blaine with whatever expression had been seared on his face; and Blaine stared back at him, expectant for an answer, for some kind of advice or guidance. 

“Are you okay with that?” 

Blaine laughed once, gently, and ran his fingers through his hair in a nervous way. “To tell you the truth, I really don’t know. I think what worries me more is whether other people are okay with it.”

Kurt smiled and sighed. “I think that’s a very reasonable reaction.” As he tried to keep his eyes steady and sympathetic his mind skipped over the possibilities – if Blaine’s feelings were aimed toward him, would Blaine really announce them in this manner? Blaine’s affections must surely, then, be aimed at someone else. Maybe someone else on the football team. While Kurt could hardly stand the thought of some of the player, he could definitely get used to seeing certain other members of the Titans in the changing rooms. 

Even before he could start guessing who it was that Blaine was talking about, Kurt had firmly decided to help. 

“To be honest with you, Blaine, I’m not sure how I can help. But I assure you, if there’s anything I can do for you, I’m there. Whether you just need someone to talk to, or someone to be there when you tell your parents, i-“

“That’s not gonna happen,” Blaine said quickly, smiling slightly to blunt the harshness of his tone. “I-I mean, I’m not even sure this is… you know? I’m a long way from… from _coming out_ ,” he leant forward slightly and whispered those two syllables as though he was afraid of the idea itself overhearing. “Anyway, my dad’s not exactly the type who’d appreciate an audience. Or knowing his son’s-…” He gave a strange little gasp and leant back in his chair, his eyes moving away from Kurt again, looking obviously uncomfortable. 

“It’s okay,” Kurt said gently, keeping his exterior cool and trying to do the same for his mind. “There’s no sense in rushing through these things. Just… take a few days, clear your head, try to figure out what _you_ want to do. This is about you - not your dad, not your friends. You made a big step today in telling me, and I appreciate that. I don’t want you to push things too fast.” Kurt frowned across the table. Blaine was now sitting sideways in his chair, the fingers of one hand drumming on the table, the other hand pushed into his hair. “Are you okay?” Blaine nodded without glancing at Kurt. “Maybe I should drive you home.” 

Blaine opened his mouth to politely decline, but froze before he could get the words out. He looked down at his shaking hands – partly the nerves, partly the caffeine, he thought - and saw he was in no state to drive. “Okay,” he said, his mouth dry, and rose to his feet. 

***

“So, where are going?” Kurt asked, taking his eyes briefly from the road to glance at Blaine. Blaine had been staring blankly out of the window for about ten minutes already, but he seemed to have calmed down a little. The shaking had stopped, at least.

“Hmm?” Blaine turned slowly to look ahead. 

“Where do you live?” 

“Oh,” Blaine laughed nervously and gave Kurt the directions. “Could we… do you mind if we circle around for a little bit more? I just need a few more minutes.” 

“That’s fine,” Kurt turned his head and smiled warmly at Blaine, who gave a slight smile back. Slight, but genuine. The radio pushed a plunky melody into the aching atmosphere of the car and Blaine sat up straighter. 

“I love this song,” he reached towards the console and glanced to Kurt. “Do you mind?”

“Not at all,” Kurt smiled.

Blaine turned the volume up a few levels and sat back, seeming to relax against the seat. He twisted slightly, aiming his body a little more towards Kurt. 

“Who is this?” Kurt asked.

Blaine’s expression fell and he stared at Kurt dumbfounded. “You’ve never heard this?” 

“Nope.”

“Noah and the Whale?”

“Nope.”

“Life Goes On?” 

Kurt laughed, high and loud. “I don’t know what to tell you, Blaine, I haven’t heard it before.”

“Argh, you’re missing out!” Blaine turned the dial a little more and volume rose further. Kurt looked over at him, glancing to the road every couple of seconds. He seemed so happy all of a sudden, more like his usual self, but something in his mood surprised Kurt. He seemed free. Not just free from worry or guilt or whatever it was he’d been feeling at the coffee shop – free from everything, more so than he’d ever seemed at school. 

“ _Lisa likes brandy and the way it hits her lips, she's a rock 'n' roll survivor with pendulum hips, she's got deep brown eyes, that've seen it all._ ”

As Blaine let himself go his face seemed alight with joy, and Kurt could hardly keep his eyes off him. If he’d thought Blaine was attractive before, they’d need to come up with a whole new word for how he looked right now. Something beautiful was shining out through his skin. 

“ _Working at a night club, that was called The Avenue, the bar men used to call her, "Little Lisa, Looney Tunes." She went down on almost anyone._ ” 

Blaine made an instant deer-in-headlights look and he turned to Kurt. “Sorry!” 

Kurt stared back at him for a second and then cracked up, hitting the steering wheel with the heel of his palm. Blaine laughed too, the sound of their amusement covering the music. 

When their laughter died down to just the occasional chuckle, Kurt said, “That’s quite alright,” and Blaine smiled sheepishly, the tops of his cheeks turning pink. 

Kurt could barely keep himself from grinning. “You have a great voice.” 

“Thank you,” Blaine said. Kurt noticed that he said the words differently to most people – said them more like he meant them. 

“You should join Glee Club,” Kurt joked, expecting Blaine to laugh off the idea, but instead Blaine made a face like he was considering the option. 

“Maybe I should.” 

***

They slammed their car doors in near perfect unison and Blaine started up the path to his front door. He stopped suddenly and turned to face Kurt, who was leaning gracefully against the car, his outline traced with moonlight. 

“Thank you for driving me home. And… for everything else. Thank you,” Blaine smiled a little awkwardly, his hands in his pockets. 

Kurt nodded, the corners of his mouth pulling up and creasing his cheeks. “You’re very welcome.”

Blaine took a few steps back down the path, towards Kurt, his gaze intent upon the ground. 

“I think… I think I’ll be okay. With everything. You know, one day.” 

“I’m glad.” Kurt watched Blaine steadily, knowing something bigger was about to come. His heartbeat pounded in his ears, his breathing heavy, making it all the more difficult to appear calm. Blaine kept inching closer, his head still bowed, and Kurt shivered against the cold and the curve of Blaine’s shoulder tensing and untensing.

Soon there was only a small space between them. At the moment when Kurt’s mind should’ve been reeling, whirring, screaming with possibilities, it went clear. His body froze, not quite tensed up but not relaxed, either. He could barely bring himself to look Blaine in the eye, focussing instead on his chest, on the logo on his t-shirt that Kurt couldn’t make sense of even though it was right in front of him. Goosebumps rose on his forearms and the back of his neck and he raised his head to meet Blaine, to see those eyes and those lips closer than they’d ever been before in real life. 

And it was just a flash. A fraction of a second, but Kurt saw it. 

A different face, just as close to his own and then the flesh memory of a rough hand his neck holding him against Karofsky’s kiss in the locker room. 

Kurt flinched, gasped, recoiled away from the lightest touch of Blaine’s fingertips grazing his cheek. “I can’t,” he whispered, his own voice inaudible over the screaming of blood and panic in his ears. “I’m sorry,” he added quickly as he watched Blaine lower his head and back away and turn. Kurt couldn’t see his face as he spoke. 

“Yeah… yeah, I’m sorry too.” Blaine headed back up the path and, this time, didn’t stop until he disappeared through the front door, not once turning back to look at Kurt. 

Kurt’s breath wheezed in his lungs, his mind still gripped with panic, and he turned on the spot, not knowing how to quiet his pounding heart long enough to let him think.


End file.
